Thursday, June 25, 2009

The time I was really tired at work...

Warning, this is a gross post.

If there's a word above all others that grosses me out more than any other, this word is "placenta". Sick. Just saying it is nasty. And then when you see one in all its nasty veiny nastiness there's just no redeeming qualities. It's like that Dave Barry essay about his son's birth:

Nonetheless, the baby came out all right, or at least all right
for newborn babies, which is actually pretty awful unless
you're a big fan of slime. I thought I had held up well for
the whole thing when the doctor, who up to then had behaved
like a perfectly rational person, said, "Would you like to see
the placenta?". Now, let's face it. That's like asking, "Would
you like me to pour hot tar into your nostrils?". Nobody would
like to see a placenta. If anything, it would be a form of

Jury: We find the defendant guilty of stealing from
the old and crippled.
Judge: I sentence the defendant to look at three pla-

But without waiting for an answer, the doctor held up the
placenta, not unlike the way you might hold up a bowling
Yes. So the Miracle of Life and cute babies and all that aside. It's a pretty gross affair.

But, if there's anything I like as much as I dislike that word, it's teasing my co-worker. From here out we'll call her Lars (I know that's a guy's name, but just go with me on this one).

Today, during a discussion of black widow spiders in bags of grapes at Costco, someone mentioned finding weevils in a banana. Lars then insists that "weevil" is the grossest word in the language. I disagree, and continued to reason why The P-Word is more gross. Especially when you consider that some people eat them.

Which got me to thinking. How do people go about eating them? I'm sure they can't taste like much on their own. Just like skin [read: lips] or something, so they would have to do something to spice things up. We brainstormed for a bit (Larz was eating some diced pears at the time and took her leave) and I then went into the Wilds of the Internets to see what I could find. And find I did.

Recipes that can use The P-Word as the main source of protein:
  1. Stew
  2. Sausage Pizza
  3. Cocktails (with V-8 juice, double sick)
  4. Lasagna
  5. Roast
  6. Meaty Spaghetti Sauce
None of these sound appealing to me in the slightest. In fact, I don't think I want to eat any of those things, P-Word or not, for quite some time. I'm just glad it's a short list. I figure you can only try out one recipe per pregnancy, leaving precious little time for culinary experimentation.