Ideal Thanksgiving

Things have been getting spicy up in the CoolBoy clan about the holidays. By "The Holidays" I mean Christmas and Thanksgiving. Not trying to exclude anyone here, just making the distinction. And I'm sure people who don't celebrate both/either holiday can relate to family being complicated and weird holiday fantasies, which is what this post is about. To clarify, this post is not about how my Dad can't just make his own blog to entertain himself with so he doesn't periodically (and arbitrarily) decide he's the internet police and harass people about not posting enough. It would be rude of me to call someone out like that. (Also: Dude. If you want someone to blog consistently, they have to be paid for it. Take that however you want.)

Anyway, looks like my parents will be here for Christmas this year and will be staying with Aubrey and I! We're quite honored to have them staying at our apartment. We're going to have our own little tree and everything so it will be nice and festive. I think Aubrey might even quilt up a tree skirt as well as sew up some curtains for the 2nd bedroom because she's awesome like that. There's also a pretty good chance they'll be sleeping in our bed while we take on an inflatable mattress for the week. Unless of course they want to buy us a house for Christmas. This would solve the bed issue. Until then, we're cool with just changing the sheets for them. Aubrey would sleep on the floor if I would let her. She says it feels good on her back or something. I don't buy it.

I hope our place won't be too small for them. I'm pretty sure we've already warned them that the bathroom door doesn't lock. Not that it matters, since the toilet is back crammed in behind a little wall by the dryer and intruders would only be able to see your knees (note to self: investigate potential of using dryer door as footrest while going to the bathroom).

True to form, my parents are coming for one reason: Grandbabies. You read it here first, my parents will do anything if it means quality time with their spawn's spawn (except move nearby). This is all fine by me, but there have been a few ruffled feathers about the logistics of everything. This is also fine by me. If grandparents are here to visit grandchildren, and grandchildren are visited, that makes the trip (by definition) a success.

This just about brings me to the point of this post. Amid so much kerfuffle about Christmas, Thanksgiving was getting skipped over. Aubrey asked me two night ago what the ideal Thanksgiving would be. I then saw a vision. It was awesome. Fortunately it was dark and she couldn't see the far-off look in my eye at the time. I'll tell you what I saw.

1) Aubrey and I.
2) My family (meaning my parents, their children, children-in-law, and grandchildren)
3) Aubrey's family (meaning her parents, siblings, and grandparents who want to come)
4) Barack Obama and his family (meaning his wife and daughters).
5) A Turducken
6) Everyone listed above eating the Turducken and having a grand time together.

I already know what you're going to ask: What's a Turducken? Turd? Really? A turd for Thanksgiving? A Turducken is not a turd. It is a chicken stuffed into the cavity of a duck stuffed into the cavity of a turkey. I've always really wanted to try one of these. I think they're kind of expensive though, so we might also invite Alton Brown to make sure we cook it right. We would also have another whole turkey or two and a turkey breast for those white meat people. We're talking like 26+ people here, so I hope this will be enough so that everyone gets as much as they want and still have plenty for leftover turkey+brie+cranberry sauce sandwiches on fancy bread on Friday.

Each family unit should bring sides and stuff (I'm providing the birds, as well as funeral potatoes, and a can of cranberry sauce for decoration. Someone else will have to bring the sauce to eat). Brie and fancy bread is a must. Piemakers should make pies. Green salads are preferred over other salads, but a nice noodle one without olives would probably be nice. No salads with marshmallows will be allowed. Something else made of potatoes sounds appropriate. You get the picture. I will tell the Obamas ahead of time that while bringing us some nice wine with their other contributions would be very kind, we would prefer that they brought the white house bowling alley. Or a ton of Izze Juices. It's up to them.

This is the point in writing when I realize that everything in my ideal Thanksgiving is family and food-related. I suppose there will be some activities of some sort. Ideally, I won't be in charge of them, or have to participate if I don't want to. I'll have Cortney check on movies coming out that weekend. Is it cool if I just send the Obama's invite to the white house? Who's done this before? Also, should I tell Barack about the bathroom door on the phone when he RSVP's or just let him know when they get here?

Oops...

So turns out I haven't posted anything in a week. I would have you believe that's because I've been too busy doing awesome things and haven't had time to write. That's partially true, I suppose, but not really.

However, tonight I'm going to this place:to see this movie.
Of which one of the main contributors is Michael Pollan, who also wrote:
Which is an amazing book that I love. I keep meaning to write a review about it, but I haven't gotten around to it yet. I'll be attending with Miss Nemesis (sister and fellow food snob), GH (who's probably getting dragged more than anything else, poor guy), and Aubrey (who is my date, I'm hoping this doesn't scare her away).

Anyway, for those who dont know anything about Michael Pollan, a great place to start would be an episode of Fresh Air which was given in October 2008 when his book, In Defense of Food, had just come out. I take this moment to say that I LOVE Fresh Air and Terry Gross. It would be the most-awesome-thing-ever to be interviewed by her. It's definitely one of my goals in life to meet her. Anyway, he was on her show once and I'd consider the interview a very good place to start if you want to start your journey as a more-aware food consumer.

Interview (podcast or whatever you want) is here.


P.S. The theatre we're going to used to look like this before it got demolished and redone. How sweet is this thing!? I wish they hadn't changed it.

Finally got a gig

I finally got another photography gig yesterday. Little known fact about CoolBoy: I'm a photographer's assistant. This means I set up lights and do other management of equipment-type things that will usually bring the term "Pack Mule" to my mind. We had a photo shoot for ESPN magazine yesterday, which is awesome in itself. But even more awesome: I didn't have to go to my normal job, got paid about 2.5x what I would normally make in a day's work (but in just a few hours), and got to shake the hand of someone that's shaken the hand of Michael Jordan. Free breakfast and ice cream were also involved, you can't beat that.

We shot Mark Eaton, formerly of the Utah Jazz. He was a monster. Which is to say, he's 21 inches taller that me. I actually has to reach upward to shake his hand. What a beast. The shoot took place at one of the restaurants he owns in Salt Lake City. This one is called Tuscany and if I ever need to impress a girl, that's definitely where I'm going to take her. The place was awesome. It's designed to look like a house in Italy and has vines and stuff crawling up the walls and out of the ceiling. A guy could score some serious points there.

In other news, according to my little map on the sidebar. There's a person from Lodz, Poland that has consistently been reading this blog. To the Polish man (or preferably, woman) I say: That's so COOL! Please keep reading! And tell all your other European friends about me too! And you know, maybe leave a comment sometime.

Something Bad Happened...

...and I'm still not over it.

I love this guy:

Problem though, is that he's also Dr. Cockroach PhD

Jasper on 101 Dalmatians
Whiney Mr. Palmer
And whoever the crap this guy is supposed to be

You might ask, "So wait, an actor has played more than one character? And you're complaining?". Yes, yes I am. Because whenever I see my boy House in any other role, I get really confused. And that right there is my problem in the first place. He isn't Hugh Laurie, he's Gregory House, so any time I see him with his normal accent or in another role I think "Woah woah wait, who the heck is that guy?" But nothing could have ever prepared me for what I saw this weekend:

And then I suffered a case of sudden-onset epilepsy and slithered off my couch in tremors.

A comb over. No, not that. Anything but that! Fine! Put him in a family movie. Make him all cheery and helpful and fatherly. Heck, you can even put Geena Davis in there too if you like. But then you go and make him all smiley and sweater vesty and give him a comb over. Do you hate me tv? Do you? Seems like it (But I must add, Geena Davis' red hair is pretty hot). How am I supposed to enjoy one of my favorite shows if every time I watch it I think about Mr. Fredrick Little? It just isn't fair. Fox really should get some kind of insurance against this kind of thing. Maybe some more marketing to help me forget about it. But, the damage is done. Does anyone have the number of a good therapist?



P.S. After two weeks I was finally able to make a fist with my right hand again, which was celebrated with a 13-mile bike ride. No one even got hurt.

Ease his Pain...

Last weekend I made two discoveries.

First: Kroger brand triple antibacterial ointment burns uncomfortably. So if you were to put liberal amounts on it all over your fingers and arm (which have previously had their skin removed) under your bandages to try and head of the forming infections, you would find yourself in some serious discomfort. This could be more noiticible if you were to do so right before going to sleep so you don't have anything to distract you. In fact, at this point you could find yourself in some serious pain. Then in your desperation you might take the last of your Loratab, with the sad knowledge that it takes a good 90 minutes to kick in. Now you need something to do for the next two hours.

Second discovery: Steve Martin's The Pleasure of my Company of your iPod will prove the perfect distraction.
Again read by Martin himself (so neat), TPomC is a narrative from the point of view of Daniel Pecan Cambridge, a young bachelor who's OCD has inhibited him from most of life's norms. His great obsession is "symmetry", with which he has limited himself to crossing the street where two scooped-out driveways are perfectly across from one another (no curbs...ever) and his clothing must never have a single wrinkle. Granted, he is a mathematical genius, but staying within his self-inflicted limitations are much more important than having a job.

His pitiful attempts at romance, daily trips to the local Rite-Aid, being a murder suspect, submissions to the "Most Average American" essay contest, and road trip to Texas are all hilarious and feel very real. However, at no point did I ever feel like at I was laughing at Daniel. By the end I was cheering him on, willing him accept the reality that he wasn't as independent and self-sufficient as he supposed and that he does need other people. As the book came to a close I felt a strong connection to Daniel. I loved the ending. It was happy and (more importantly for my taste) made sense.

It's a short read, with few characters and one of the least consequential plots of any novel I've ever read. But that's all it needs. Nothing is extraneous. Also interesting is Daniel's nonexistent relationship with his Father, which is mirrored in Martin's relationship with his own father. He even places a memorable instance of abuse from his own childhood as the one memory of that Daniel shares with about his Father.

Anyway, it was a good read. CoolBoy recommends it.

Turns out Steve Martin is Awesome

I know everyone already knows that. But I'm referring to his literary offerings and not the things he has done on stage or screen.

I've listened to two of his audio books in the past month and while I liked one a bit more than the other I must mention a certain little thing first. He reads them HIMSELF! How cool is that? What can give a book on cd more legitimacy than when the author does it? Especially since one of them is a memoir. It gives the books a very personal touch, as if Steve's taking the time to sit down in the next chair over and read his book to you himself. So neat.

The first book in question is Born Standing Up, a memoir from his time in standup comedy until he made the conversion to movies. He recounts his relationship with his family (which was always very distant for his first few decades), when he got his first taste of standup working at Disneyland at age 6, and when he first got on stage himself a few years later at Knott’s Berry Farm. He also goes into trying to survive on an act that, when he started, was not even close to being in style and that in the end he was glad to give it up because it was too stressful and, being that he was one-man show on tour for over a decade, very lonely. Once he finally started getting popular, he was terrified at the premiere of the then-new Saturday Night Live, as he thought it would ruin his act and make him mainstream, but it was there that he met people (and continued to meet people) with which he formed strong bonds. I especially liked his description of the 50's and 60's from an entertainment industry standpoint- at one point he was dating the daughter of a suspected communist film director during The Red Scare.

Another little gift is that on the audio book, each chapter has a frantic little banjo solo that Martin wrote and played himself. What more could you need? He even released a banjo album this past month. I haven't heard it yet but I'm sure it will be, at the very least, interesting.